Ah, I see I piqued your interest! I must confess this post has a misleading title- the real answer is only three short words… You already are.
Not a day goes by when at least one [usually all] of the clients I see come in and take a brief reprieve on my couch, sometimes with tea, other times with one instead of three or more babies in tow, and share their most personal, guilt-ridden notions of shame and guilt over not being ‘good enough,’ or not giving enough. The running theme I see with these amazing moms is that all of them are giving more than they have to offer, they strive to pour from that empty vessel in hopes of giving one last drop to others, and because of their selfless love, they feel it is not enough.
in my fairly-expert clinical opinion, Each mom I meet IN MY PRACTICE is giving more than enough.
She lies awake at night wondering if she met each little one’s developmental needs. Did she read enough? Were those snacks healthy enough?
Each chicken nugget served comes to represent a Pinterest 32-step recipe shortcoming all while minimizing the inquisitive conversation shared over dinner or the veggies on the side.
The dirty laundry left overshadows the many drawers in the house that she has transformed into a home full of clean clothes.
The moms that I meet in my professional and personal life are constantly swimming against the current of self-judgment, wanting to give more, do more, plan more, tidy more, organize more, bake more, read more, play more, and all the while, the hustle and bustle of daily life is swept under the proverbial rug instead of giving credit where it is due.
Modern American Moms are constantly pulled in many directions, they work outside the home, they work inside the home [without union-negotiated breaks or paid time off!], they plan how children get to and from school and daycare, how they will get home, and sometimes where they will be safe and cared for in between. They are the keepers of massive amounts of mental post-it notes, address books, phone numbers, birthdays, doctor’s appointments, the never-ending grocery list and meal plan, extra-curricular calendars, family calendars, work calendars, the mental list goes on and could fill all of Google Drive in one day.
You are a great mom. How do you do that? You are doing it. Everyday. I have no doubt you are giving what you can with what you have and then some. I urge you to shy away from social media shaming of moms and one-sided articles that can induce mom guilt, there’s enough of that in this world.
Disclaimer: This post is informational in nature and not a substitute for psychotherapy.